Okay, geesh, it's not THAT scary.
But I gained.
Yep. I woke up this morning, nervous to hop on the scale, knowing that last night I had been a bit of a bad girl.
JUST a bit.
One more drink than I should have.
That's it. And that was all it took. I knew when I made that fateful decision that I was not making the best choice. And yet I did it anyway. I slipped.
It happens.
I'm here to tell you all that I am an addict.
Not exactly the kind of addict you would normally think of; but an addict nonetheless.
Addicted to food, addicted to bad habits, addicted to teetering on the edge and allowing myself to fall over.
And last night I fell over.
Oh, I didn't go CRAZY (as I already mentioned). But I did do something I shouldn't have.
And I'm not TRYING to make a big deal about this but it IS something of concern.
In order to make life changes,
one must be dedicated to believing
that change is GOOD.
I've spent the last nine days believing that.
Now...
I could just shake it off and move on - in fact, I will MOST CERTAINLY do that.
But not without full disclosure; to myself and to anyone reading my diary.
In the past, when something like this (ridiculously small gain) has happened, it has derailed me in ways that have caused me to immediately consider failure - again - and gain back whatever I'd lost.
As this is my present, I am here to tell you that THAT is not going to happen.
Don't tell me it was one little drink or that it happens or that I'll do better next time. I know all that.
And I also know that going forward, I will not allow myself to be tempted again.
Yes, maybe it IS that serious. Now, you are going to look at this (ridiculously small gain) and quite possibly roll your eyes or shake your head.
But some of you, perhaps many of you, will understand that edge I'm talking about. And that as addicts (however that may be) we must stay away from the edge.
Knowing what I know about myself and all the times I've tried and failed before, I know the edge is the scariest place to be.
To that end, I've got my feet on solid ground and I AM moving forward. Not slipping, not giving in, not losing the motivation OR sight of what's important.
All THAT from one little drink.
Imagine that.
Till next time!
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Starting Weight: 306.4
Goal Weight: 150
Today's Weight: 291.8
Total Lost to Date: 14.6
© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?
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WAIT a minute, what the HECK? .2 gain and I'm getting all serious? Yep. Even though I stayed within my allotted calories for the day, it didn't matter, the combination of what I put in my mouth was wrong. And yes, that is most certainly SERIOUS!
I am not just going to succeed this time; I am succeeding. One truthful moment at a time!
Ugggg, I agree, unless you have been heavy you might not "get" this post. I do get it. Its a tiny gain, but after chugging along, you don't want a hiccup.
ReplyDeleteWhat were you drinking? I'm sure it wasn't a milk shake. *lol*
LOL, nope, not a milkshake. My preferred alcholic indulgence is Vanilla Vodka and Diet Pepsi. I'd had 3 drinks total since beginning this journey. Last night I had 3 drinks in succession.
ReplyDeleteNot smart. And not because I was falling down drunk (which I wasn't) but because I know it's just not healthy.
I was ready to nix the drinking all together at the start of this but my trainer told me she didn't want me giving up too much too fast - she knows my propensity to de-rail and all that goes with it.
BUT...I'm supposed to be doing everything in moderation. 3 drinks was (at least) 1 too many and I paid the price...not even the gain, so much as the psychological affect..ya know? I figure you do...
Thanks for getting it, Bernie. That's why I'm here, doing this. One of the BIGGEST (no pun intended) things I realized through all this is the overwhelming similarities with all of us. We ALL don't hang out with groups of people in our sitch...well, we didn't...
ANYway, I'm off to the next thing. Cheers to the day :)