Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 71 - So OUT of Control - Week 10, UGH!

Have you ever felt so out of control and you KNEW you didn't have control, yet you couldn't stop?

If you are over weight, I'm willing to lay a bet that you have.

This is how week 9 ended and week 10 went for me.

I had this. I was down more than 30 pounds. I was feeling good and able to wear some lovely clothes that hadn't seen the light in more than 3 years.

And then?

I lost it.

Spinning and spiraling and falling and it didn't matter if there was anything to hold on to for pulling myself up. I wasn't grabbing it.


And then I began lying to myself. Again.

I don't lie to others. In fact, my honesty has gotten me in trouble more than anything else. Not everyone wants to hear the truth. I can't help that. I don't like (what I call) glossing over a potential mine field to save the war. There will still be casualties because it (the truth) ALWAYS comes out in the end.

But I do...

LIE TO MYSELF all the time.


Stupid lies, too.

I can't even share one here because my head is still spinning from the mess I've made of things in week 10.

And then?

This is typically - SO MANY TIMES in the PAST - where I start to fail. I think, "eh, screw it, I've failed again, might as well pack it back on."

Okay, those aren't exact words. But they might as well be. Because packing it back on is exactly what I do. Every time.

Except this time.

Listen here...

I messed up. Week 10 was a total bust for me.

And now?

I've gotta pull up my big girl panties and get back on track.

YES. I've got some making up to do.

YES. I've been HERE before.

YES. It's worth it.

And so (DAMN IT) am I!


Today I weighed in at 275.2. Exactly one pound down from LAST Tuesday's weigh in.


Up almost 2 pounds from Friday's weigh in.


Is what's irritating me. All that good work, down the drain because I couldn't control myself.


(Shhhhsh, NOW I'm pulling those panties up, geesh)

What I need is a (RE) jump start. Which works out because tonight begins Yom Kippur and tomorrow I will fast. Again, I'm not Jewish, but I do LOVE this holiday. The most important in the Jewish faith. If you'd like to know why (it is, for me), read this.

Otherwise, know that I am NOT going to allow myself to go back down that road.

I feel too darn good in those "skinny" jeans. AND...another truth...I feel like crap when I eat crap.

Yep. You really are what you eat. Happy New Year!

Till next time!


Our Virtual Trip(s)

Michele: 6.75 miles 

Anna: 118 miles 

Sandi: 84.78 miles

Debbie: 46 miles 

Kathy: 92.76 miles 

Stephanie: 91.25 miles 


Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 275.2
Total Lost to Date: 31.4

Look at me...getting over myself!