Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 71 - So OUT of Control - Week 10, UGH!

Have you ever felt so out of control and you KNEW you didn't have control, yet you couldn't stop?

If you are over weight, I'm willing to lay a bet that you have.

This is how week 9 ended and week 10 went for me.

I had this. I was down more than 30 pounds. I was feeling good and able to wear some lovely clothes that hadn't seen the light in more than 3 years.

And then?

I lost it.

Spinning and spiraling and falling and it didn't matter if there was anything to hold on to for pulling myself up. I wasn't grabbing it.

WOW.

And then I began lying to myself. Again.

I don't lie to others. In fact, my honesty has gotten me in trouble more than anything else. Not everyone wants to hear the truth. I can't help that. I don't like (what I call) glossing over a potential mine field to save the war. There will still be casualties because it (the truth) ALWAYS comes out in the end.

But I do...

LIE TO MYSELF all the time.

UGH.

Stupid lies, too.

I can't even share one here because my head is still spinning from the mess I've made of things in week 10.

And then?

This is typically - SO MANY TIMES in the PAST - where I start to fail. I think, "eh, screw it, I've failed again, might as well pack it back on."

Okay, those aren't exact words. But they might as well be. Because packing it back on is exactly what I do. Every time.

Except this time.

Listen here...

I messed up. Week 10 was a total bust for me.

And now?

I've gotta pull up my big girl panties and get back on track.

YES. I've got some making up to do.

YES. I've been HERE before.

YES. It's worth it.

And so (DAMN IT) am I!

Soooo...

Today I weighed in at 275.2. Exactly one pound down from LAST Tuesday's weigh in.

BUT...

Up almost 2 pounds from Friday's weigh in.

Which...

Is what's irritating me. All that good work, down the drain because I couldn't control myself.

So FREAKIN' WHAT?

(Shhhhsh, NOW I'm pulling those panties up, geesh)

What I need is a (RE) jump start. Which works out because tonight begins Yom Kippur and tomorrow I will fast. Again, I'm not Jewish, but I do LOVE this holiday. The most important in the Jewish faith. If you'd like to know why (it is, for me), read this.

Otherwise, know that I am NOT going to allow myself to go back down that road.

I feel too darn good in those "skinny" jeans. AND...another truth...I feel like crap when I eat crap.

Yep. You really are what you eat. Happy New Year!

Till next time!



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Our Virtual Trip(s)




Michele: 6.75 miles 

Anna: 118 miles 

Sandi: 84.78 miles

Debbie: 46 miles 

Kathy: 92.76 miles 


Stephanie: 91.25 miles 




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Starting Weight: 306.4


Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 275.2
Total Lost to Date: 31.4

Look at me...getting over myself!














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Monday, September 24, 2012

Day 70 - Singin' the Bad Girl Blues

Whoa. I've been a very, very, VERY bad girl. Yep. I have. And it all began on Friday.

Ya see, Friday I weigh in for the money challenge (Thanksgiving). And I also went grocery shopping this past Friday.

Hungry.

Not good. I figured, since I had such a good weigh in on Friday, that I could use it as my cheat day. And so I did. I wasn't too bad.

But I wasn't too good, either. And then...

Friday rolled into Saturday and there was cake (celebrating G's mom's B-day) and THEN...Saturday rolled into Sunday and I TRIED to ratchet it down but was over-powered by lack of will power and self-sabotage = more cake and a bloody mary, not gonna lie...

Three days.

And you know what THAT got me?

A whopping 8 pound gain on the scale this morning.

Oh

EM

GEEEEEEE!

Yah. 8 pounds. G didn't believe me. No one gains 8 pounds in 3 days.

Hah.

I hate to prove him wrong, especially on THIS. But there it is.

So...

Frickasee, doodle bop.

What's a bad girl to do?

Well, I can't take it back. I put it ALL in my mouth and I can't lament having done so. It's DONE.

Sooooo...

...moving on...

Note to Self:

You can certainly have a meal, or a day, even, to hang off the grid.

IF...

BIG IF...

...if you can then bring it back to where you know you need to be.

Do NOT think (for even a nano second) that you can waste 3 days a week on eating whatever you want.

Can't happen.

Not going to happen.

Again.

Nope.

Sooooooooooo...

Today's a new day, I won't hunch my shoulders to the past. I am going forward, properly chastised and realizing my limitations.

Tomorrow's weigh in is going to suck.

And I darn well deserve it.

Till next time!


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Our Virtual Trip(s)

Michele: 5.75 miles 

Anna: 108 miles 

Sandi: 79.37 miles

Debbie: 43 miles 

Kathy: 92.76 miles 

Stephanie: 91.25 miles 

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NO Scale and Toes today, egads. I'm too embarrassed. I do want to thank all my favorite looky lous, as we have now been nosy just over 1200 times to this diary o'mine. Keep on reading and I'll keep writing and we WILL get to where we want to be. Because we do all darn well deserve it! Cheers!