Day 10 - OMG, It Happened...One Little Drink!

Cue the scary music, hide the children, run for the hills.

Okay, geesh, it's not THAT scary.

But I gained.

Yep. I woke up this morning, nervous to hop on the scale, knowing that last night I had been a bit of a bad girl.

JUST a bit.

One more drink than I should have.

That's it. And that was all it took. I knew when I made that fateful decision that I was not making the best choice. And yet I did it anyway. I slipped.

It happens.

I'm here to tell you all that I am an addict.

Not exactly the kind of addict you would normally think of; but an addict nonetheless.

Addicted to food, addicted to bad habits, addicted to teetering on the edge and allowing myself to fall over.

And last night I fell over.

Oh, I didn't go CRAZY (as I already mentioned). But I did do something I shouldn't have.

And I'm not TRYING to make a big deal about this but it IS something of concern.

In order to make life changes, 

one must be dedicated to believing

 that change is GOOD. 

I've spent the last nine days believing that.

Now...

I could just shake it off and move on - in fact, I will MOST CERTAINLY do that.

But not without full disclosure; to myself and to anyone reading my diary.

In the past, when something like this (ridiculously small gain) has happened, it has derailed me in ways that have caused me to immediately consider failure - again - and gain back whatever I'd lost.

As this is my present, I am here to tell you that THAT is not going to happen.

Don't tell me it was one little drink or that it happens or that I'll do better next time. I know all that.

And I also know that going forward, I will not allow myself to be tempted again.

Yes, maybe it IS that serious. Now, you are going to look at this (ridiculously small gain) and quite possibly roll your eyes or shake your head.

But some of you, perhaps many of you, will understand that edge I'm talking about. And that as addicts (however that may be) we must stay away from the edge.

Knowing what I know about myself and all the times I've tried and failed before, I know the edge is the scariest place to be.

To that end, I've got my feet on solid ground and I AM moving forward. Not slipping, not giving in, not losing the motivation OR sight of what's important.

All THAT from one little drink.

Imagine that.

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 291.8

Total Lost to Date: 14.6

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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WAIT a minute, what the HECK? .2 gain and I'm getting all serious? Yep. Even though I stayed within my allotted calories for the day, it didn't matter, the combination of what I put in my mouth was wrong. And yes, that is most certainly SERIOUS! 

I am not just going to succeed this time; I am succeeding. One truthful moment at a time!

Day 9 - Can You Say ACCCKKKK?

I'm sure you can...say ACCCKKKK.

It's what I'm saying, anyway.

Today's post?

Short 


and 


Sweet

I just got back from an incredibly intense workout (6 whole minutes followed by tears and hugs) at the gym; thanks Darcelle. And I'm here with a quickie. I did weigh in this morning and I am down...again...

YAY!

I've lost 15 pounds in 8 days and I am 10 pounds away from meeting my first goal.

Whew.

I NEED to talk about the large numbers and the quickness of it but I don't have the time today. You know, sometimes, life just gets in the way?

Yah. Seriously.

So I'm off to take care of business (hunka hunka - thank you very much) and will hopefully have time for a longer post later today; but will most definitely be here tomorrow, sharing more CRA-CRA.

ACCCKKKK!

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 291.6

Total Lost to Date: 15

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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Week One Done - How'd I Do?

I can't believe it's only been one week since returning from Philly and beginning my new life journey.

7 WHOLE days since awakening with a new plan, a good plan, a plan to get healthy - and DO it this time.

But here we are, ending the first week, beginning anew.

And how did I do, week one?

AWESOME.

I pulled unBELIEVable numbers my first week and I say that because if I hadn't seen the scale with my own two eyes each day, I would have been hard pressed to think it true.

Let's recap:

Day One: 306.4 - Ugh, seriously? My heaviest probably EVER (that I can remember)

Day Two: 304 - Okay, good; a nice 2.4 drop, YAY!

Day Three: 304 - Grrrr, I don't like staying the same but I'm not giving up.

Day Four: 302.6 - Yay, the scale is moving again, happy dance!

Day Five: 300 - Still moving, I'm stoked!

Day Six: 296.4 - WOW, is this for REAL?

Day Seven: 294.8 - It's happening, people!

Day Eight: 292.6 - Yep, at the end of week one I am DOWN 14 FREAKIN' pounds.

Wow.

And I have to tell you, it wasn't easy AND it wasn't hard. I recorded ALL my food and exercise each day, learned a bit more about weighing things on the food scale, drank my 8 plus (more like 13-15) glasses of water each day, journaled HERE each day (sometimes twice), and generally held myself accountable in ways that I had not (in ALL my fat adult life) EVER done before.

I avoided sweets all week and honestly didn't crave them - I didn't even cave to the jello/cool whip back up, barely even gave it a thought.

Although...I really can't say no sweets ALL week. I did have a drumstick ice cream last night. I wanted a bit of chocolate ice cream and when I went to the store and perused the selections I chose the drumstick for two reasons:

1 - all the chocolate ice creams I looked at said 300 cals for 1/2 a cup. Come ON, people, a 1/2 a cup? Have you MET a chubby girl (me) who can ONLY do a 1/2 a cup? Maybe someday but NOT today.

and...

2 - the drumstick was only 350 calories total and it was BIG. And now I don't have any leftover ice cream in the house to tempt me. I ate it, it was good, and it didn't make me want to bury my face in a vat of it. YAY me!

Let's see, what else?

Oh, I didn't avoid the alcohol all week either. I had 3 drinks total, one on one day, and two on the other. My preferred drink is carb free anyway, but because I'm staying away from soda, I didn't go crazy. Not good to go cra-cra with the liquor ANYway, right? Right!

Oh, and hmmm...

I worked out with my trainer, Darcelle, on Wednesday and Thursday, and she gave me homework for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Technically Friday was my day off (you should never work out more than 6 days per week), but I still managed a 15 minute slow walk that day because we didn't know I was going to take Friday off until I had already walked my sore a** to the gym - Darcelle was nice enough to bring me home.

I did indeed do all my homework and Darcelle, my wonderful friend and trainer, was in daily contact  with me, boosting me UP and making sure I stayed on track. I didn't have a choice but to get it done anyway; she told me, if I didn't do it, it would be added to the next day. Scary? Yes, but exactly what I need!

I do believe that sums up my week as far as food, exercise, and overall weight loss journey stuff goes.

What else happened? (...you ask, nervously, hoping I'm wrapping this up...)

My daughter broke her wrist, we may have found an apartment, I got to swim in the ocean, I began writing my book, and I discovered a side of someone that I never would have believed existed.

All in all?

A busy, productive, CRAZY week!

Ready for the next one? I've got salads to talk about, secrets to reveal, a contest to share, and plenty of other good and/or boring and/or funny stuff to bring you, YAY!

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 292.6

Total Lost to Date: 14

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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Day 7 - And I Just Keep Dropping...

...my jaw to the FLOOR, people!

Another 1.6 pound weight loss yesterday!

That makes it 11.6 pounds down in 6 days; though I do LOVE how My Fitness Pal rounds UP, YAY!

Today marks the last day of the first week of my new life and I am more motivated than ever to do this, do it right, and share it with the world (more on that later).

Oh, and did Papi and I take our afternoon stroll on the beach?

Of course!

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I rewarded my 10 pound loss with something other than food AND it was exercise - disguised as a "romantic interlude with my honey".

How darn lucky am I?

I also got to dip in the ocean - AMAZING!

I hadn't actually swam in our ocean here in Maine (I know, 5 years, what IS WRONG with me, people?!!) before. Oh a toe dip here and there, maybe just there...in 5 whole years.

And I love the ocean. Jumping waves, feeling the power of God, yelping at seaweed tossed around my legs - just simply LOVE it.

...just thankful for my blessings, this morning!

AND that the power was only out for a short while, too, today. I have so many things to do this afternoon that I was afraid I wouldn't get this post in.

But here it is, and here I am, 11.6 pounds GONE.

I'm making good choices, I'm sticking to my guns, and it is WORKING!

I've gotta run now, but I will be here tomorrow, sharing my weekly numbers, some other fun stuff, and a bit about my salad experiment.

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 294.8

Total Lost to Date: 11.6

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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Day 6 - 10 Pounds Down? WOW!

That's right, I have lost 10 pounds in five days and I am ECSTATIC!

I knew when I woke up this morning, that the scale was going to love me. I could feel it all over but especially in my middle.

Uh, what?

Yah, you know...

Sometimes you feel bloated in the middle (your belly) and sometimes you feel "skinny".

Not skinny, skinny; in the true sense of the word but just...

Ah, I don't know...sometimes I just can't explain what I mean.

I know, surprises abound.

ANYway.

10 pounds, WOOHOO!

Now listen here...

I don't expect numbers like this to continue. Especially since today's workout homework only consists of 4 minutes total - Burpees, yay (dripping with sarcasm over here).

And again, I WARN YOU, weighing in every day can be detrimental to your overall success; however, even knowing those psychological effects, I must do the daily thing for at least another week. We'll revisit changing it up next, next Tuesday.

For now, it's keeping me motivated and I am certainly not going to wreck that momentum.

And that's it for now, dear diary. I'm off to do my Burpees, and then to get some house stuff done. Later, Papi promised me a walk on the beach (totally not something we've ever, EVER done, look at us goooooo...YAY!).

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 296.4

Total Lost to Date: 10

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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Day 5 cont'd - My First Asparagus and the Sweet Potato Fiasco

Oh boy, oh BOY, I just had to jot a quick note...

Tonight I cooked dinner...

...which I typically (prepare for a small tirade) do not like to do because I am lazy, uninterested, scared that it will taste like crap...whatever.

I CAN cook.

And the things I do, I do very well; but I am the baker in our house, HE'S the cook.

But tonight I wanted to surprise him with dinner; my poor Papi, working so hard to meet deadline.

...and...

I was at the grocery store today, picking up some more healthy YUMS and I happened across the asparagus section.

Now, I LOVE asparagus. MMMmmmmmmMMMMmmm MMM!

But I am picky about how it's cooked. Not mushy, not tooooo al dente. Just right.

Right?

Well, I bought some of that ol' asparagus, honestly thinking that HE would figure it out because that's what he does; hops online and in an hour we are dining ROYALE!

But as I traversed my day, I realized that I wanted to cook dinner tonight. I wanted to try to cook the asparagus. I've never, in all my 40 years, attempted to cook asparagus...

What in H E double hockey sticks is WRONG with me?

Don't answer that, we don't have time (it's movie night, ya know?).

ANYway...

So I went online, searched for the easiest (not going to lie) way, simply because it WAS my first time and I didn't want to mess it up too badly.

Long story just a tiny bit longer?

I made asparagus for the first time EVER.

And it was GOOD! I could just be saying that but Papi said it was, and I liked it; so anyone else would simply be out voted - besides, we ate it all up!

Chicken, roasted asparagus, and mashed sweet potatoes (gluten free, BTW).

YUMMMMY!

Oh, and about the sweet potato fiasco?

Yah, I thought that a 1/2 cup wouldn't be enough. I had plenty of calories left for the day and so I loaded a whole cup onto my plate.

And then I promptly took half right back off and saved myself 110 calories!

Here's Dinner:

...before I removed the excess sweets.

I'm full, he's full, and I am feeling pretty darn proud of myself; not gonna lie!

and what's this all weigh in at?

297 calories!

Yep, I know. SWEET!

Now to figure out what to do with 1100 extra calories - mmMMmm, celery and peanut butter anyone?

Okay, gotta run; it's my turn to choose the movie, tonight!

Till next time!

Day 5 - Short 'n' Sweet and Oh So GOOD!

HAPPY Saturday to you!!

And what a GREAT Saturday this is starting out to be...

I'm up early today because I have lots to do and I just want to 'git 'er dun'! That way, I can enjoy some down time later, YAY!

So, first up this morning, another weigh in - I TOLD you that this would be a daily thing for the next little while, bear with me!

I woke up this morning, not feeling anything toward the scale. I couldn't tell today if I was up or down. THAT made me a little nervous but I couldn't NOT get on the scale, either.

CONQUERING my fears, I am.

And my reward for doing so?

2.4 pounds DOWN!

YAY.

...er...maybe that's not a reward simply for stepping on the scale. I really have been such a good girl these first four days.

6.4 pounds down total. Now THAT'S a nice reward for being such a good girl. YAY!

It's also why this post is short 'n' sweet this morning.

Of to the gym to do my homework (yes, my trainer gave me homework this weekend AND I'm excited about it...weird but GOOD).

Then groceries and...blah blah blah.

You know, Saturday stuff.

Enjoy the day, enjoy your life, and keep on keepin' on!

Till next time!

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Starting Weight: 306.4

Goal Weight: 150

Today's Weight: 300

Total Lost to Date: 6.4

© 2012 Dear Diary, I'm Fat...Now What?

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